Here’s something most managers discover the hard way: a feedback approach that works brilliantly with one person can completely backfire with another.
Imagine this: you deliver an identical message to two team members. One thanks you for the clarity and makes immediate improvements. The other becomes defensive, their performance deteriorates, and within months they’re job hunting.
Same feedback. Same manager. Completely different outcomes.
The problem isn’t your feedback skills. It’s that most managers approach feedback as though everyone receives it the same way. Spoiler: they don’t.
Some people want direct, unvarnished honesty. Others need context and reassurance before they can hear criticism. And some process feedback best verbally, while others need it in writing so they can reflect.
When you ignore these differences, even well-intentioned feedback can damage performance and relationships. But when you understand and adapt to them, feedback becomes one of your most powerful tools for development.
Why most feedback fails
Walk into any manager training session and you’ll learn frameworks. The “feedback sandwich.” “Radical candour.” STAR or GROW or BOOST.
These frameworks aren’t useless. They provide structure. But they’re insufficient because they treat feedback as a transmission problem: manager says thing, employee receives thing, behaviour changes.
Except it’s not simple. Feedback isn’t just about what you say. It’s about how the other person hears it, interprets it, and emotionally responds to it.
Here’s what commonly goes wrong:
- The feedback is too vague – “you need to communicate better” gives people nothing actionable
- The timing is wrong – some people want immediate correction. Others need cooling-off time before they can hear criticism productively
- The ratio is wrong – research suggests effective feedback requires roughly five positive interactions for every negative one to maintain trust. When the ratio skews negative, people become defensive
- The focus is on personality, not behaviour – “you’re too aggressive” attacks identity. “In yesterday’s meeting, you interrupted Sarah three times” describes behaviour that can change
- There’s no dialogue – feedback delivered as a monologue rarely lands well
- It’s disconnected from support – pointing out problems without offering help feels like criticism for criticism’s sake
- It ignores personality differences – what one person experiences as helpful directness, another experiences as harsh criticism
Understanding feedback personalities
People differ in how they best receive feedback:
- Reflective processors need time to think before responding. Give them feedback, let them digest it, and revisit later
- Immediate processors want to engage with feedback in real-time. They think out loud. Give them space to talk through it
- High-directness people want you to tell them straight. They find padding frustrating
- High-context people need more framing. They want to understand why the feedback matters and how it fits into the bigger picture
- Low-sensitivity receivers can separate feedback on their work from feedback on their worth. You can be quite direct
- High-sensitivity receivers experience criticism as more emotionally intense. They need more reassurance that the feedback doesn’t reflect poorly on them overall
- Detail-oriented people want specifics. Tell them exactly what wasn’t right, when it occurred, and what good looks like
- Big-picture people want to understand the principle or pattern, not every instance. Too much detail overwhelms them
How to give effective feedback: the art of tailoring feedback
Once you understand these differences, you can adapt your approach.
Before the conversation
- Know your goal – are you correcting a one-off issue, addressing a pattern, or supporting development?
- Understand the person – how have they responded to feedback previously? What’s their communication style?
- Choose your timing – when is this person most receptive?
- Prepare specifics – have concrete examples ready, especially for detail-oriented people
- Plan for dialogue – this isn’t a speech you’re delivering
During the conversation
- Start with their needs – keep their feedback personality in mind. For example, high-context people need framing while direct people want you to get to the point
- Be specific about behaviour – “in Tuesday’s client meeting, you didn’t have the latest figures” is actionable. “You’re not thorough enough” isn’t
- Create space for their perspective – “what’s your take on this?” opens dialogue
- Acknowledge what’s working – people need to know their strengths aren’t invisible
- Focus on impact, not judgement – “when the report went out with errors, the client questioned our accuracy” describes consequences. “You’re careless” attacks character
- Offer support – “what would help you improve this?” shows you’re invested in their development
- Adapt to their processing style – if they need time, give it. If they want to work through it now, stay engaged
After the conversation
- Follow up appropriately – some people need frequent check-ins. Others find it patronising
- Notice improvement – when people make changes based on feedback, acknowledge it
- Adjust your approach based on results – if someone shuts down, your approach may have been wrong for them
How to give effective feedback in different contexts
Performance reviews
Reviews shouldn’t contain surprises. If you’re sharing feedback for the first time in an annual review, you’ve waited far too long. Keep the following in mind:
- Structure matters – most people benefit from seeing written feedback before the conversation so they can process it
- Balance is essential – cover strengths genuinely and specifically, not as a perfunctory nod before criticism
- Focus on development – the review should be forward-looking, not just a backward assessment
In-the-moment feedback
Quick corrections after a meeting can be valuable when done well. Here are some tips to do this effectively:
- Keep it brief – “can I share one quick observation?” works better than launching into a detailed debrief
- Be specific – “you interrupted Sarah twice in that meeting” is clear
- Gauge receptivity – if they’re stressed or rushed, wait
- Balance positive with corrective – “your presentation structure was really clear, and you could strengthen it further by slowing down in the technical section” lands better than just “you spoke too fast”
Difficult conversations
When performance issues are serious, conversations become more consequential. You should:
- Be direct about consequences – “if this doesn’t improve, we’ll need to consider whether this role is the right fit” is uncomfortable but necessary
- Document thoroughly – put feedback in writing. Note what was discussed and agreed
- Remain supportive within boundaries – you can genuinely want someone to succeed whilst being clear that current performance isn’t acceptable
- Involve HR when appropriate – for serious performance issues, formal processes protect everyone
The role of psychological safety
Effective feedback requires psychological safety, people’s belief that they can take risks and make mistakes without punishment.
Without it, feedback feels dangerous. People become defensive and hide problems.
With it, feedback becomes information. People ask for it, receive it openly, and act on it quickly.
Building psychological safety requires:
- Consistency – your feedback style shouldn’t depend on your mood
- Admitting your own mistakes – when you model vulnerability, others feel safer too
- Responding well to being challenged – if people who disagree get punished, everyone learns to stay silent
- Separating performance from worth – people need to know criticism of their work doesn’t mean you’ve written them off
- Following through on commitments – broken promises destroy trust
Common feedback scenarios
Here are some scenarios you could encounter when giving feedback – and how to respond to them:
- Someone becomes immediately defensive – pause. Acknowledge their reaction. Give space for them to share their perspective
- You need to give feedback about behaviour the person can’t see – “I want to share an observation about something you might not be aware of” frames feedback as information
- The person agrees but nothing changes – they need a plan. “What specifically will you do differently?”
- You’ve given the same feedback multiple times – “we’ve discussed this several times and I’m not seeing change. Help me understand what’s preventing progress”
- You’re giving feedback about something personal – be direct, private, and compassionate. “This is uncomfortable to raise, but it’s important”
Making feedback part of culture
The most effective teams don’t treat feedback as periodic events. It’s woven into how they work through:
- Regular one-to-ones, which create ongoing dialogue where feedback flows naturally
- Team retrospectives, which normalise discussing what’s working and what isn’t
- Peer feedback, which shouldn’t only flow downward
- Real-time recognition of good work, which shouldn’t wait for reviews
- Making feedback requests normal, which models openness and gives others permission to do the same
When feedback becomes normalised, it loses its sting. It’s just information that helps everyone improve continuously.
The manager’s responsibility
Your team members can’t give themselves the feedback they need to develop. That’s your job.
Avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t protect people. It abandons them. Without honest feedback, people can’t improve or understand where they stand.
But delivering feedback badly, too harshly, too vaguely or at the wrong time damages relationships and performance.
The solution isn’t avoiding feedback. It’s getting better at it. And that means understanding that one-size-fits-all approaches don’t work.
The managers who excel at feedback know their people well enough to adapt their approach to each individual’s needs.
That’s the skill worth developing. Because feedback, done right, is how you help people reach potential they couldn’t access alone.
Want to give better feedback? Book a demo of MyTeamBuilder and discover how understanding each person’s communication style and personality helps you give feedback that actually improves performance without destroying morale.